When a treasured or abhorrent paradigm dissolves before your very eyes, this is one of the genius moves

 

As we reconcile the parts of ourselves and communities that are coming to grips with past and present intolerance and cruelty, we can turn towards the skill of forgiveness to lend us a hand.

So, what the heck is all this about forgiveness?

 


Until I sincerely wanted to learn how to forgive, I did not even know how to define it properly. How could I accomplish forgiveness when I didn't know what my goal was? I then looked it up, and the definition I found has become indelibly etched on my mind.

 


Forgiveness is to give up all claim to punish or exact a future penalty from someone or something .

That makes sense. The reason I had such a hard time forgiving was because to do so, I had to give up my secret guilty pleasure of punishing the other person, place,or thing. To forgive, I had to make room and perhaps let go of feeling right,being superior and relinquishing any passive aggressive revenge plans bouncing around my mind.

 

Not a flattering looks for those of us who care about humankindness.

 

What could be done?

 

I was confronted with the concept of forgiveness at a few self-discovery seminars in the1980s. In the 2000s, my ladies group read a pivotal tone poem by Paul Ferrini titled, “ The Twelve Steps of Forgiveness ” (Heartways Press, 1991). It offers a roadmap that includes great perspective on the human reality of forgiveness.

This is what I have gleaned thus far :

 

1) Forgiveness starts with a willingness to forgive yourself. Toughest thing of all is to be ok with our full array of positive and infuriating aspects of self. Each of us is a masterpiece if we take the time to see the full truth of who we are .

 

 2)  Forgiveness requires nothing. I do it for me and expect nothing in return, it is an unconditional act of self-love.

 

 3)  Forgiveness is an ongoing process as we discover this tender and precious part of our selves. It takes practice, is a practice and requires a sense of compassion for the shared human condition.

 

 4)  All acts of forgiveness are sacred. We are each enough.

 

What you can do about it if you choose. When I am ready to do a bit of forgiveness work the best place to start is with me.

 

 ·  Sit and write down the five things that you need to forgive. Don’t judge it. We all have them. It is part of the human psyche. That is how we survived thus far.

 

 ·  Then ask yourself on each one separately: Am I willing to forgive this? If the answer is yes that’s great, if not that’s ok too.

 

 ·  Take the “ YES,I am willing” list, write out your version of this statement and then read out loud when no one else is around in a private and sacred spot. Change the wording to make this release work for you.


 

Michelle example circa 2004:

 

*Dear Goodness,
I now choose to forgive my neighbor to the north for coming to my side of the fence and cutting down one of my favorite rosebushes. I relinquish all intentions to punish him or myself, releasing all the negativity I once possessed letting it fly to you for the greatest good of all concerned. Thank you!


Then, joyfully clap your hands to signal that you are done with the drama and burden of it.


 

Move on to the next person, place, or thing you're willing to forgive, even a little. Go through your list and say your release statement aloud for each.

 

Breathe, be with it and do your best.

 

Forgiveness is a gentle release and frees up heart space and physical energy for other aspects of life such as healing, creating, or thriving. It frees up energy to invest in solid life strategies, the ones that honor, nourish, and delight you. Play with it. Be kind to all knowing that it is always about forgiving yourself. Once you understand that you can save a lot of time. It is a life skill worthy of the learning as we embark on engendering brave new worlds.